Inchys bar forum

[Aloha Clevs]

I've just come out of the chip shop with a meat and potatoe pie, large chips, mushy peas & jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f*cking will power'


A woman buys a wall mirror from B & Q, manager says 'would you like a screw for that mirror' No she said 'but I'd suck your cock for a lawn mower'.


Top tip; if your camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex............Wish me luck I appear in court next Monday.


I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today. Apparently the instruction ' finish off on her face didn’t mean what I thought it did '


A fat bird served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said ' sorry about the wait ' I said ' don't worry you fat ****, you'll lose it eventually '



Recession beater - Wife says to husband ' if you cycle to work we could get rid of the second car' Husband replies ' if you'd take it up the arse & let me cum on your face we could get rid of the nanny!'


One of life's great mysteries - Why is it a woman can fit a seven inch vibrator into her half inch fanny, IN THE DARK............ but she's unable to fit an eight foot car into a fifteen foot parking space IN BROAD F*CKING DAYLIGHT?


I know how those poor bastards in Haiti feel. Last time I had a few aftershocks I couldn't find my house either.


Marriage counsellor to couple: ' Tell me something both of you have in common ' Husband after a long awkward silence ' Well neither of us sucks cock '


Snow eh! The weather girl just said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself ' she'll be f*cking lucky with a face like that!'


I have a new chat up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous and out of my league they are, it's a winner & I always end up in bed with them............... ' Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'


Years ago it was suggested ' that an apple a day kept the doctor away ' But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that bacon works a f*cking treat!